On line Dating can be an excellent option for people who can't have a very social and active life in the sense of meeting people for making new friends or finding love, for people who work very hard, for Seniors (people over their 50s),and for disabled people the online dating scenario is a great resource,though online dating has its bad points,inconvenients and its risks too.

As a disabled person I can say I have used the online dating sites many times, I have met very nice men and 3 of my most solid love relationships were bornt at an online dating site,but since 2002 I gave up on posting a profile on dating sites due to a few bad experiences I started to live.

This is a hard subject!,for disabled people and non disabled, the sex talk is always difficult and it's also full of misconceptions,misunderstandings and myths about if whether disabled people can really have and enjoy sex in the same level that non disabled do.

It's clear and obvious that due to the phisical limitations and the level of lesions caused in the spine the sensitivity, performance and other situations can be a little different,but the fact is that most disabled can have orgasms and enjoy a very normal sex life.

As a disabled I have learned to adapt myself to non disabled and disabled lovers (when I have been in a love relationship), it's obvious that whenever a man has been part of my life in a serious relationship, the questions about my sensitivity come up and I have to answer them as clear and honestly as I can, I have also met guys who are just full of curiosity about the way a disabled woman can have sex with them, of course those guys just look for a moment of pleasure in order to satisfy their curiosity, I try to avoid them as much as I can, it's not worthy getting involved with someone who just feels curiosity, maybe because I feel like a woman I consider that kind of relationships "a wasting time moment", besides I am nobody's game, nobody has the right for treating me as a game or experiment, in the same way, nobody has the right for using me, nor make fun of my feelings, it's very difficult to really find a good love partner who understands and learn to see the person beyond the wheelchair,a person (man/woman) who can understand that the wheelchair is just for moving around, the person that uses the wheelchair has feelings and emotions, he/she feels maybe in a deeper way that a non disabled does because we the disabled people have learned to understand what means suffering and what means being alone,so when we find someone who fulfills our heart and our senses (in all the aspects), we give him/her all what we can and all our best,we treat that man/woman as our most special and cherished treasure and we are able to give our own lives for him/she if needed, because we know what loving someone is all about and also because we know that life goes fast and good things don't stay with us so long time.

As a woman I have learned the ways of pleasing my lover and also to show him the way I like being pleased,though there are not special secrets,it's just the fact of creating a special and magic moment with the person we love,discovering and exploring all what we can enjoy together while we make love.

Sandra Villanueva

Although this article is more focused on the people with "

Learning disabilities",it exposses many of the things that we Disabled people have to live when we want to find someone for sharing life and those special moments.

Education is part of the problem but also understanding,more men are luckier for finding a woman who really understand them but for women it's harder due to the issue of "beauty and the look alike model body" that many men are looking in a woman,though disabled men also get lots of rejections when they dare to offer love and all what it can offer while having a relationship.

What is your opinion?

Sex and Disabled People

Sandra Villanueva

Today Wheels For Independence will start the Topic "Sex and Disabled People",in the next few days a few contributions from members of this site will appear about their sexual experiences as disabled.

Being disabled is just a part of our lives,but most of us have a normal (almost normal life) in which love is also an important subject,unfortunately lots of problems and circumstances create a barrier for finding a real/solid relationship,plus lots of misunderstandings and ignorance about the way a person with disabilities is able to enjoy and have a good moment in bed with someone we love.

Sandra Villanueva.

Disabled feel 'sexually excluded' 
Geoff Adams-Spink
BBC News website disability affairs correspondent 
Last Updated: Thursday, 28 April, 2005, 02:23 GMT 03:23 UK
 
Society is failing to address the sexual and emotional needs of disabled people, a survey of readers of a leading disability magazine suggests.

More than 1,000 returned questionnaires asking them to be honest about their sex lives to Disability Now magazine.

Only half of those who responded said they had had sex in the past year.

Disability Now is calling on politicians, charities, the media and health and social workers to take the issue more seriously.

And it says the results demonstrate that society is refusing to address the sexual and emotional needs of disabled people.

Three-quarters of those who completed questionnaires thought the law should be changed to legalise prostitution.

The survey indicates disabled men are more than twice as likely to use the services of a sex worker than the general male population.

And 63% said they would use legalised sexual services if they were available.

Levels of sexual self esteem were shown to be very low, and most people felt that the government should fund specialist counselling services.

Disabled actress Julie Fernandez, who helped to launch the survey, says the media should be showing a more rounded picture of the daily lives of disabled people.

"Until we have more disabled news presenters, broadcasters and musicians telling the stories from our point of view, and until able bodied people experience us as colleagues, they will not know us as normal people," she said.

Ignorance and isolation

The report's author, disabled psychologist Simon Parritt, thinks the problem is made far worse by a collective refusal to acknowledge its existence.

"Many disabled people's lives are less happy, and emotionally and sexually isolated, because we have ignored the issue," he said.

"But just because there are so few activists fighting for change in this area, it does not excuse those in government or charities failing to take a lead."

Disability Now's acting editor, Sarah Hobson, says the publication will be putting a range of recommendations to government and the voluntary sector to address the matter.

"Disabled people are still largely considered to be asexual," said one of the survey's respondents.

And another describes her fears of sexual activity, saying: "I haven't had the courage to attempt intercourse with my husband... [I'm] too ashamed to show my body to him."

Less than half of those surveyed said that they had received any form of sex education - and many say professionals are indifferent to their needs.

"Social workers, GPs, consultants and specialists seem to be completely uninterested in disabled people's sexual needs," writes another respondent.

The situation in the UK contrasts with the Netherlands where disabled people can avail themselves of a nationwide service run by the Foundation for Alternative Relation Mediation.

The foundation employs a small team of female and male sex workers.

Although most people pay the full price for the service, some Dutch local authorities make a contribution towards the cost.

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